Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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