So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
