Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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