my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
