gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
