$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
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I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
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By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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