She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
