This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
