Moan for me like Helen Keller
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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