my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
