I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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