so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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