I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
