Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
