So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize