so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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