Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
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