How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
