lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
