I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
