i just wanna soil my oats bro
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
