so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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