Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
