Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
