do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
