i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
