listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
