i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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