i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
