I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
