New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
