She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
