Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
