Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
