In the future we'll all be gay
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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