I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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