my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
