i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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