I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
