I'd wear matching sweaters with you
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I woke up under a house in Key West
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
