i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
