Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
