Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
