He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
