I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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