I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
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