We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
