I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Randomize
