You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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