Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
