i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
