did you get engaged???
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
