Soap is not a condiment
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
We have started to decorate penises.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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