so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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