I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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