we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
