You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
