I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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