He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
