I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize