When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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