I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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