When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
