Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Randomize
