Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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