My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize